in luang prabang

I left my hostel and walked on a poorly lit street toward the town center. It was a warm night. I came to a corner and saw two people doing "limbo" underneath a metal barrier that blocked off a street which had been converted into a night market. Beyond the barrier people were standing in groups. Others crowded around food or silk vendors, trying to communicate. A lot were holding bottles of beer. I walked around the barrier, past a number of food stalls, and toward the market. Three rows of canopies composed the market, the second row in the middle of the first and third, creating two walkways. Each vendor displayed their goods on a rug beneath a canopy. The walkways were too small to walk quickly through. People browsed at a slow pace without consideration for those behind them. I sometimes "tailgated" people. I told myself that I was being bad. I saw a street that had only food stands and turned down it. Mostly Asian women worked the stands. On the right was a vegetarian food stand that had large bowls of different foods which you could scoop into your own bowl. I wanted to eat there but the stand's table was filled with Australians. I smelled something bad. There was a stand that sold tiny plastic bags of different types of curry and fried noodles. I had seen these kinds of stands in other cities. There was a stand that had a pig's head on the top of a table. Next to it the pig's head were fish and slabs of meat. Next to the fish and slabs of meat were sticks with meat on them. I pointed at one of the sticks and asked the woman who worked the stand if I could have it. She put the meat over a fire for a short amount of time. She took it off the fire and wrapped it in a palm leaf. She told me how much it was and I paid her. I took the meat and walked out of the food stall street. I sat on a curb and ate the meat. As people walked past me their faces were above me and I looked up at them. After I finished the meat I stood and walked to a corner. I turned down a street. At another corner I saw people buying fruit. They seemed illuminated by a weird light. I walked down another street and turned another corner and walked down that street. It was darkly lit. I heard dogs having a very intense fight. I tensed my muscles in preparation for a mugging. Two young Asians rode by on a bike. An Asian with the body size and gait of an American homeless man approached me. As we passed we exchanged very strange facial expressions. I walked into an area where on the left there was a long row of open-air restaurants that overlooked a wide river below. There were Christmas lights strung over a bridge that crossed the river. Across the river I knew were terrace farms but I couldn't see them because it was too dark. I considered going to one of the open-air restaurants by the river while knowing that it wouldn't happen. I had the image of a grilled fish. I stopped at a shop and looked at the items for sale. There were four small bottles of amber-colored alcohol. Two had labels that said "Rum" on them. The labels of the other two didn't have English on them. A man's voice said "Hello" from somewhere. I said "Hello" and looked around. An Asian man appeared from behind packages of food. "Do you have," I said. "Do you have... like, cups?" "Yes," he said. He nodded his head. "Do you have cups?" I said. "Yes, for free," he said. "That's good," I said. I was nodding. "Yes," the man said. I looked at the alcohol bottles. "Do you have whiskey?" I said. I pointed at the bottles. "There's rum here..." "Yes, we have whiskey," he said. He pointed at the bottles. "Yes, but these say 'Rum,'" I said. I pointed at the two that said "Rum." "The others are whiskey," he said. "Oh, good," I said. I was nodding my head. "Ok, I take the whiskey," I said. I took a bottle of whiskey. The man motioned at a refrigerated case where cans of soda were. I nodded and went to it and took a can of Coke. The man left and came back with a small plastic cup and handed it to me. I smiled at him and took a bag of "Sweet Basil" flavored Lays. I paid the man. He smiled at me. I walked to my hostel and through the reception area toward the stairs. As I took the stairs two people waited at the top so they could pass, watching me. When I got to the top I acknowledged them in a way that feels disturbing to me right now. I unlocked my door and went into my room. I took off most of my clothes and sat on the bed. I felt really unhappy.

does anyone with access to university academic article e-databases want to give me their name/pass, will send you a free book or my unpublished novella, please email me, brandongorrell[at]gmail.com

'developmentally disabled' ape eats 'asian bananas' in taiwan

i wrote a 'poem' about feeling 'aloof'

if appearing 'aloof' is one of your gimmicks

in social situations your goal is the projection of ambiguity, mystique, and detachedness

probably executed to make impossible any possibility of judgment

ensuring against any possibility of appearing affected by judgment

because if you were to allow someone the option of perceiving you as affected by their judgment

you would also allow them to perceive that a standard of your 'self-worth'

is 'the perception of other people'

with these factors in place, i think, someone could logically deduce about you, then

that 'you are one of us'

which could also be interpreted as 'you are not superior to me' or 'you are average'

and as the result of, maybe, your childhood, individualism, or some other significant, influential factor in your life

being thought of as 'one of them' makes you feel bad

and appearing 'aloof' is one of your methods for avoiding this feeling

i think there are two problems with this method

the first is that the action is contradictory to its purpose;

an attempt to appear 'aloof' indicates that you need others to believe you're 'aloof'

suggesting that you're affected by their judgment

and subsequently suggesting that you're 'one of them'

the second is that i think there are more effective methods for appearing 'above average;'

a transparent philosophy, creative output, and novel behavior can all be more efficient and less alienating

some things i've been thinking about in "asia"

on the sidewalk today i felt a temporary rush of anxiety

i have a terrible desire to be intellectually superior

i am highly attuned to social cues

my feelings of shame create behaviors that reinforce shame, low self-esteem, and alienation

i worry about being worried about having nothing to do

i feel ashamed for things i have said, facial expressions i have made, hand gestures i have produced

i have had momentary fears that something enormous is going to fall from the sky and crush me

the act of kicking off my sandals supplies me with a vague perception of myself from the eyes of an onlooker thinking, "he's relaxing, kicking off his sandals, he's open-minded like that"

my boredom always seems to feel hopeless/unforgiving/basic

i might be an incredibly judgemental human being

to blog is to seek attention

secretly i feel that my life is really embarrassing

3:AM press will publish my novella, my hair will defeat you, in europe in 2010

read excerpts here and here

i wrote an article called 'the gimmicks of american apparel vs. the gimmicks of urban outfitters'

a lot of really exciting news

After some 'intense' 4+ hour Gmail chats with Tao, it's been decided that on October 29th I will travel to Japan, China, and a number of locations in Indonesia in an effort to expand/explore potential Muumuu House markets for its authors and products. As the result of a recent deal struck with a major motion picture company based in Los Angeles, a spike in Muumuu House book sales and Tao's own increasing media coverage and subsequent cash flow, Muumuu House now has the financial capacity and existential drive to broaden its target demographic, both conceptually and geographically. Acting as Muumuu House's 'International Investment/Relations Analyst' (we appointed this title to seem more 'official'), I will be meeting with public relations/marketing firms, a number of private investors and investment bankers, some of the bigger Asian publishing houses, a prominent Asian translator, and a Japanese clothing chain called UNIQLO (apparently the 'Asian version' of H&M+Urban Outfitters). I will be there for 2 months.

But one of the really exciting things about this trip, which is another 'big' 'news item,' is that I'm actually going to be negotiating the terms of the first printing of the Asian translation of my debut poetry book, DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I WANT TO HAVE A BIOGRAPHER PRESENT, with a major publishing house based out of central Tokyo. I don't want to 'say too much,' but there has been talk of a print run of up to 500,000, with distribution spanning from Dubai to the Northeastern most regions of Russia, as well as a publishing partnership with the independent houses of the Upper Cambodian Rainforest.



As I travel through Asia, along with representing Muumuu House, I'm also going to be promoting these new V-neck t-shirts I made that say 'random ass shit' on them. I've been making them with fabric marker and fabric paint and selling them on Etsy for awhile now, but, thanks to the connections I've gained via the release of my first book, I've recently engaged in what seems like some really promising discourse with the Artist Consignment arm of Urban Outfitters. When I told them about my plans to travel to Asia, they were 'chill enough' to 'hook me up' with some companies in North Korea, Beijing, and Moscow (unsure if I'll be able to get over there).

In preparation for what I feel might be a 'viral' internet embrace of my newly created brand, I've signed a contract with a graphic design firm to 'take over' all subsequent advertising for my 'clothing line' thing. We talked about it, and decided that the eventual plan is to not only reach the mainstream American television-based corporate media, but European and Asian media conglomerates as well. As a 'sneak preview,' I've posted here some of the initial concept ads that my team has come up with:



To 'kick it off' right, and since the 'official launch' of my clothing line won't be until around Spring 2010, I'm offering my blog readership 'first dibs' on the shirts. As the concept ads say, they're available in S, M, and L, and you can choose from electric pink, electric green, electric blue, and white for the color of the wording. In addition to simply PayPaling $14 to brandongorrell[at]gmail.com, you can also use the PayPal menu at the top of this blog, or email me for an address to send cash, check, or money order.

Higher resolution concept ads can be found here, here, here and here.

Buyers of the shirt will also get a free, signed copy of DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I WANT TO HAVE A BIOGRAPHER PRESENT.

While I'm over there, I'll be making regular updates on my news section and posting 'party pics' on my Tumblr.

Thank you for reading my blog post. 'Wish me luck' in Asia, bros.

**the lettering for my t-shirts was 'based on' lettering on t-shirts that jacob severn has made

i discussed the people of the internet, shit talkers, and what i find difficult to write about in an interview with bookslut

fanzine has published a 4-page dual book review on 'during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present' and gabrielle calvovoressi's 'apocalyptic swing' which features at-length discussion of 'mfa poetry' and 'internet poetry'

from my chair i can see the street and it seems depressing

my friend is coming over

last time he came over we were eating crackers and i tried to hand one to him and it was kind of close to his face, and he thought i was trying to feed it to him so he ate it from my hand, but messed up and like sucked two of my fingers momentarily

it was really weird

i have had regular images of that moment since it happened

seems really bad

some gmail statuses i've liked recently
'rippin off dix,' blake butler
'if you are lonely, i will talk to you,' jereme dean
'i am "signed on,"' brian ries
'miller-david.com,' david miller

some tweets i've liked recently
'RT @decibelle if you google "what happened" the second suggested search is "what happened to seal's face,"' megan boyle, 08 Sept, 12:56 AM

'picking up gf from airport in <1hr; must "take a shit" before then,' jimmy chen, 08 Sept, 7:08 PM

'i keep farting horrific farts,' ellen kennedy, 10 Sept, 5:13 PM

'idly/absently thought 'should i use my umbrella today' while blowdrying my crotch and staring outside, closed my eyes and blowdried my face,' tao lin, 11 Sept, 1:17 PM

'just ate pizza while pooping,' daniel bailey, 11 Sept, 5:01 PM

'seems retarded to not think nine eleven was an inside job,' zachary german, 13 Sept, 8:32 PM

the rumpus reviewed my book

i haven't blogged in a long time

i wrote about everyone i could think of on the internet